Diamonds Are FOREVER

It’s not that I’m not happy for you.

I am.

He seems like a great guy. You seem like an awesome couple. Seriously, congrats.

But there is a reaction that happens when I see that diamond ring on your finger. It’s way more stomach clenching than your change in relationship status on Facebook.

I suppose that feeling is envy.

There is little that people have nowadays that provoke this in me. I don’t have a lot of money, but the big t.v.’s, designer purses, and tropical vacations don’t interest me THAT much. At the end of the day, if I really wanted any of those things, I could certainly save money or find a third job and attain them.

That’s the thing about engagement rings. They are not something you can just give yourself. They are probably one of very few things someone else has to bestow upon you.

Perhaps that’s what I take issue with the most. This idea that some women are given this token of promised whatever and get to wear it around like a prize. And it IS a sort of prize. Or at least, it feels like you are winning and I am losing. Even if I don’t feel like a loser, the outside world perceives it as such. The only way to validate my relationship (in the eyes of others, and for some people, their own) is by having very specific proof.

I find myself foaming at the mouth over montages of celebrity rings, much more so than I do over all of the baby bumps. As much as I want to roll my eyes at rushed engagements, I can only imagine the power of that diamond.

It’s really outdated social pressure.

Though it’s not so much about ownership anymore. We aren’t “taken”, but “chosen”.

It makes a huge case for all of us who suffer from daddy issues, and by all of us, I mean ALL OF US.

There is a way for someone to prove how much they love us and it comes in the form of a universally recognized piece of jewelry worn on the left ring finger.

It only takes ONE person to like us enough to buy that ring and ask us to marry them. That seems like it should be easy. Think about all of the people you encounter, have encountered, and I only need one of them to consider the possibility of being with me for the rest of their lives even though they don’t actually have to if they change their minds?

Even when an old boyfriend of mine bought me a ring as a Christmas present and I already knew it wasn’t that ring, my heart still skipped a beat when I saw that blue velvet box.

I don’t know if I want to get married or have a family, but I know there is some part of me that wants that stupid fucking diamond ring. It is maddening and irrational and I pretty much hate myself for it.

-Carly

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