I don’t think we are built to be with one person forever.
I mean, if that’s what happens and it works for you, that’s great.
I just don’t think we were really meant for that.
Actually, post menopause or once the idea of sex is worse than seeing the dentist, I could totally understand pairing off with one person for compatibility sake.
The reason I’m monogamous (at the moment), is that I just can’t imagine being with more than one person at one time. Honestly, dating is pretty much the worst thing ever and having sex with someone I don’t know, care about and trust is not my cup of tea. The idea of investing time and energy into more than one person sounds exhausting and unpleasant and borderline impossible.
I’d love to give my partner the opportunity to have a little on the side, but how exactly does that work? Like, what if sex with that other person is amazing and suddenly that cuts into the time I get? What if they fall in love with that other person? What if some of that closeness fades because they are sharing themselves with another person?
It just sounds like you lose rather than gain even if both of you are actively taking advantage of an open relationship. If people were like food, yeah sure, I love having a ton of options in all ranges of price, atmosphere and ethnicity, but sometimes convenience and comfort triumphs. So does getting full. I think I’d much rather go to a place that offers some variety, is consistently really good and that I feel is worth the cost then going somewhere expensive, really far away and has no guarantee of being decent.
Maybe it’s more a matter of letting one another stray every so often. Though I’m not sure what that would look like either. I suppose if either party were THAT interested in sleeping with someone else and had the chance, why not give it to them?
You really have to sit there and actively think “Am I totally OK with the idea of my partner being with someone else” and then picture it and see how it feels.
If even the idea doesn’t sit well with you, why do it? Getting to sleep with someone else does not negate the feeling of knowing your partner did.
If you’ve ever seen “Take This Waltz” (which is not about open relationships, but what could happen if you left your marriage to explore sex with someone you have strong chemistry with) or “The Freebie” (about a married couple who decide to give one another the chance to sleep with someone else and what happens when they do [or don’t]) and you think either or both have a somewhat realistic plot line, both would dissuade you from stepping out.
If you watch Game of Thrones, Prince Oberyn tells a young lover that soon he’ll be old and gray with a sagging ass and that he should take advantage of his youth and be with as many people as possible. In some ways, that idea seemed pretty sound. Hedonistic, sure, but somewhat logical if you’re going for the whole “live life to the fullest”.
But that’s just a theory, right? Yes, the IDEA of having amazing new and interesting sex because you are with amazing, new people all of the time seems great. But how realistic is that? And are you willing to gamble the loss of something special for the chance at another something special? Why take that risk?
Or maybe being free to explore would help maintain a relationship. Perhaps “don’t ask, don’t tell” could work.
Sometimes I feel like our lives are dictated by imaginary social constraints that are hard to break free from. But I don’t know if I want to be a trailblazer who tries to prove them wrong.