If You’re Having Girl Problems, I Feel Bad For You Son

I was recently writing out a list of girl friends I wanted to invite for an event.

The list was a lot shorter than I would have imagined, not because I’m popular, only because I feel like a pretty social person who knows a lot of folks.

And I do know a lot of people. They’re just not all of my nearest and dearest.

Maybe it’s because I’ve been friend dumped in the past, but I know what it feels like when you just can’t with someone anymore. It’s not that you’re blameless. It’s just that this relationship is not worth maintaining anymore.

I consider this the power of adulthood. It’s knowing when someone is toxic or crazy or just a plain ol’ asshole. And guess what? You do not have to put up with that shit.

It’s not your responsibility to fix, change or heal this person.

I have given up on people who lack self-awareness. I will not be dragged down with anyone. I will not self-destruct alongside another. I will not let someone’s constant negativity affect my life.

This does not mean you abandon friends who are having mental health issues, are down on their luck, or are suffering through difficult times.

But if they don’t recognize how these things are having an affect on them, aren’t taking the necessary steps to help themselves and by extension, help to keep your relationship thriving, then it’s time to cut them loose.

I’m guilty of this. I have lost people over this. I’m trying to be a better person and friend to the people who are making this same effort for me.

If someone is constantly making you feel bad, THEY ARE NOT YOUR FRIEND.

This is not to be confused with being jealous or when you just grow apart (or feel you’ve outgrown someone). 

Stop hanging out with people you don’t like. Stop forgiving someone for how they treat other people just because they don’t happen to treat you that way. Stop being afraid to turn down an invitation from someone who isn’t worth your time. Stop making excuses for someone just because you’ve known them forever. Stop giving time, energy and space to someone just because they are willing to give it to you.

You won’t be alone. Instead, you’ll be surrounded by quality people. Even if there are only a few of them.

-Carly

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