And by coming attractions I mean about boobs. But let’s talk about our show happening tonight! Gallery Cabaret at 7pm, the following lovely and super-talented ladies will read about boobs – theirs, someone else’s, boobs in the general sense: Melanie LaForce Jasmine Davila Natasha Samreny Alicia Swiz Samantha Irby …along with your co-hosts, Carly Oishi and Rosamund Lannin, who’ll be opening and closing. There’s a preview of my story below, but really, you should just come out tonight. It’s free and it’s gonna be awesome and it’s about BOOBS, and did I mention it’s free? There are a lot of reasons to not like your boobs. But I’m pretty into mine. Maybe it’s because I always wanted them. Like many young ladies, when I was 11 I asked my mom for a training bra. I needed one, I told her. I didn’t need one. My chest was flat. I weighed 60 lbs soaking wet, a fact my my mom’s 17-year-old employee Jason was quick to bring up when I told him I was talking to boys in Yahoo chat rooms. We were sitting in my parents’ car, waiting for my mom to finish cleaning up. His eyes sparkled as I shared my online moniker, BlueAngel99. “Oooh girl, what’s your profile say? 4’10”, St. Paul, MN, 11 years old, 60 lbs, built like a stick. Sexy!” I turned red, and mentally made a note to change my age from 14 to 16. Salt N’ Pepa came on the radio, and Jason mercifully moved on from my lack of womanly assets. “Rose, you so crazy…I think I wanna have your baby!” I laughed until I hiccuped, embarrassment over my short, up and down body momentarily forgotten.