Alternate title: I Want to Hang, but I’m Anxious and Broke
What I did on my summer vacation:
- Got a new job.
- Started this business you’re reading right now, which I hope makes you 1/8 as happy as it makes me.
- #1 and #2 started the same day.
- Got multiple IT certifications. I know. I might be the most interesting person in the world.
How I dealt with it:
- Freaked out, over and over.
- Fought with my dude.
- Slept really badly.
- Made a lot of lists, because they’re soothing.
What I didn’t do:
- See much of you.
- Go to your event.
So yeah. I’m sorry. I would love to do that thing with you, but when I turn into a wad of nerves (see “How I dealt with it”), all I want is space, time, and plenty of it. I will not enjoy what we’re doing because I’m thinking of the 10,000 things I should be doing, and it’ll make me even more squirrelly and awkward than usual. I’ve been like this since I was a kid – it’s hard for me to like something if I think I’ve left something unfinished. It’s neurotic and lame. I’m this guy incarnate. Plus, I’m in a bucket of debt. It makes it even easier to turn down that beer, that dinner, that fun and money-sucking thing you want to do, because I can always fall back on “I shouldn’t.”
But I like you. I think you’re pretty and smart. I want to hear about what you’re doing and like, be supportive in the way you are of me – our only interaction shouldn’t be hey you should come to my show and yeah I can’t make your thing. I don’t know if I’ll ever get good at being busy, new challenges, or not running a mental hamster wheel of anxiety, but I’ll keep trying. For you – for me – for that thing we should do in October. Also, you should come to the show next week.