Season of Social Excuses

Alternate title: I Want to Hang, but I’m Anxious and Broke

What I did on my summer vacation:

  • Got a new job.
  • Started this business you’re reading right now, which I hope makes you 1/8 as happy as it makes me.
  • #1 and #2 started the same day.
  • Got multiple IT certifications. I know. I might be the most interesting person in the world.

How I dealt with it:

  • Freaked out, over and over.
  • Fought with my dude.
  • Slept really badly.
  • Made a lot of lists, because they’re soothing.

What I didn’t do:

  • See much of you.
  • Go to your event.

So yeah. I’m sorry. I would love to do that thing with you, but when I turn into a wad of nerves (see “How I dealt with it”), all I want is space, time, and plenty of it. I will not enjoy what we’re doing because I’m thinking of the 10,000 things I should be doing, and it’ll make me even more squirrelly and awkward than usual. I’ve been like this since I was a kid – it’s hard for me to like something if I think I’ve left something unfinished. It’s neurotic and lame. I’m this guy incarnate. Plus, I’m in a bucket of debt. It makes it even easier to turn down that beer, that dinner, that fun and money-sucking thing you want to do, because I can always fall back on “I shouldn’t.”

But I like you. I think you’re pretty and smart. I want to hear about what you’re doing and like, be supportive in the way you are of me – our only interaction shouldn’t be hey you should come to my show and yeah I can’t make your thing. I don’t know if I’ll ever get good at being busy, new challenges, or not running a mental hamster wheel of anxiety, but I’ll keep trying. For you – for me – for that thing we should do in October. Also, you should come to the show next week.

-Rose

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