Nobody Calling On The Phone, ‘Cept For the Pope Maybe In Rome

I’ve been listening to the radio a lot because I’m in the car more than ever.

In case you were wondering (I’m sure you were not), radio in Chicago is a sad state of affairs.

Some of you may know I went to college and graduated with a degree in radio. I had no lofty expectations of becoming a DJ, though a part of me wished I could. I loved Wendy & Bill in the morning on the original Q101. I used to record songs on cassette from Hot 97 in St. Louis. I called into stations for promotions and one time won tickets to see the Red Hot Chili Peppers.

Radio used to be a pretty big deal. Eric & Kathy (who are apparently still around) were getting million dollar contracts for hosting the morning show on 101.9, The Mix. And yes, Kathy was making less.

But with iPods and satellite radio (once thought to be a failing fad), it’s lost a lot of appeal.

Anyway, I’m getting off track.

A few weeks ago, I was listening to the ‘Top 9 at 9’ on B96 (which is also still around) and the number one song was some guy singing about how a girl he hung out with used to call him on his cellphone.

I figured it was called “Cellphone”.

I did not know it was Drake.

Either way, I was very ANNOYED by this song, even though I also sort of liked it at the same time.

I was irritated by the lyrics.

So, you moved out of the city and this girl is hanging out with new people and wearing new clothes and drinking champagne on the dance floor when she used to stay at home and be a good girl? (You seem REALLY STRESSED OUT about these girls you’ve never seen before.)

First…seriously? Like, I get the image you are trying to paint, but…No. If she was cool enough to hang out with, I doubt she just stayed at home every night, curled up in bed calling you. Also, going out doesn’t make someone “bad”.

Second, so what if she’s wearing less clothes? Actually, what does that even mean? Did she wear sweat pants and cut them off into shorts? Is she opting out of a coat when it’s cold? Is her skirt above the knees now?


All of these changes have you worried that she’s bending over backwards for someone. Ahem. I KNOW YOU MEAN THAT LITERALLY.

Oh you “taught her things”, did ya now?

Look, I like the idea of writing a song about how someone used to call you on your phone. Because like listening to the radio in high school, I talked on the phone A LOT. I had my own line and would leave funny outgoing messages on my answering machine and stayed up until the wee hours of the morning talking to my best guy friend.

I miss those days, Drake. Even though you are eight years younger than me, perhaps you remember talking on the phone too.

But just because Rihanna, I mean, Some Girl, isn’t calling you anymore, doesn’t make her some raging party girl who is dabbling in anal sex with someone other than you.

And even if she is, THAT’S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS, SIR.


P.S. But if the DJ played this song at an imaginary club I won’t be going to because I’m old, a parent and live in the suburbs, I’d be out on the dance floor.

P.P.S. But probably not with champagne.

P.P.P.S. Unless it was free.


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