holidays

Meet Our Readers

Head home for the holidays with us* this Wednesday. We’re bringing an appropriate housewarming gift, and special guests Sara Wolfson, Fran Hoepfner, Megan Kellie, and Lisa White. Bring your leftovers,  unresolved family baggage, and a donation for the Chicago Greater Food Depository.

*With me, at least, and it’s not so much going home as wrapping myself in the chill embrace of Chicago city limits. I think (?) Jasmine may be going somewhere, as she is a much better jet-setter.  I’m not sure. I’ll watch her Instagram. Anyway, we’re taking December off. 2018 themes and possibly special winter bonus content coming soon.

Sara Wolfson

sara wolfsonSara Wolfson isn’t sure if this is one of those bios where you’re supposed to refer to yourself in the third person, but, just to be safe, she will. Over the course of the past 20 years, Sara graduated from the University of Chicago, held down numerous jobs (most of which she left of her own accord), adopted several cats, and acknowledged that she’s probably going to die alone, except for the aforementioned cats, who will dine on her flesh over the course of several weeks until her well intentioned neighbors complain about the smell and request a wellness check from the city.

Fran Hoepfner

fran hoepfner

Fran Hoepfner is a writer and comedian from Chicago. She is currently the Associate Video Director for The Onion.

 

 

 

 

 

Megan Kellie

Megan Kellie is a writer/performer who has lived and worked in the three most major American cities. Her writing has been featured on NPR, the Hog Butcher podcast, and the Paper Machete. She’s won a Moth story slam and recently appeared at several open mics, which is a great way to grow spiritually. She illustrated the kid’s book “Someday a Bird Will Poop on You,” and would like to debut a series of painted, nervous cows at a coffee shop near you. Get ready to meet her unintentionally funny parents and their parents too.

 

 

 

 

Lisa White

lisa whiteLisa is a writer and editor based in Chicago. She’s worked at DNAinfo, Time Out and Chicagoist, and her writing has been featured in other outlets including Where Chicago and Gapers Block. Her writing has led to such adventures as co-writing a hot dog column (no ketchup, of course) to interviewing a slew of musicians, fulfilling her teenage rock journalist fantasy. She lives in Logan Square with her partner Justin.

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Mildly Eventful Beginnings

Top Five Kinda Alright New Year’s Eve’s:

  1. 1999: Y2K! Even as a teenager the threat never seemed too real. I babysit a 10-year-old, feeling like we’re too close in age for this business and she could probably be left home alone. I drink Martinelli’s, eat snacks, and watch a Twilight Zone marathon. Happy millennium!
  2. 2004: Home for the holidays. A mistake. My friends from back home feel claustrophobic and unfamiliar. I don’t know what to do with myself. I go to some goth-industrial party in a warehouse a few blocks away from my mom’s house. I drink a lot beforehand. Everything is blacklight and makeshift tunnels. I crawl into one of these tunnels, make out with the guy I came with, then fall asleep. I don’t remember most of this. It’s slightly weird between us for a short period of time. I spend all New Year’s Eve’s in Chicago from that point forward. Happy 2005!
  3. 2008: My boyfriend isn’t into going out. I say I’m okay with it. I miss going out. We do random things around his apartment while I brim with vague resentment. This feeling is starting to become familiar. I go to bed shortly after the ball drops. I don’t know it yet, but 2009 is going to suck. Happy 2009!
  4. 2010: 2009 sucked. 2010 was so solid. I don’t want to let it go. I want this gentle upswing of a year to continue and am afraid the bottom is going to fall out any minute, a persistent and paralyzing life fear I should go talk to someone with a certificate on their wall about. Instead, I go to some friends’ adorable storefront studio with my nice newish boyfriend and his friend and girlfriend. I like them. I like him. We don’t know a lot of other people but it’s okay. We look at their screen printing stuff, knick knacks, new kitten. At midnight they play Ratatat. There’s this on the wall:

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There isn’t a real number five. I have a limited number of New Year’s Eve tales, and am saving the worst for our next show: Gallery Cabaret, 1/28, 7pm. Readers to be announced soon. Have a good rest of 2014, or just get it out of the way. Either way, I hope your last day of the year is memorable.

-Rose